you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
