i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
