Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Naked Twister starts at high noon
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
