Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
