I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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