Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
And then my night got REAL pukey
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
