she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
