I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
