Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
