What a fucking waste of an outfit
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
