Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
