I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Naked. naked and bneed help.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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