If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
