Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
