yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
