Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
