Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
