taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I would ride that face into the sunset
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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