I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
