I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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