He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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