he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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