true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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