im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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