if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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