A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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