she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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