Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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