p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
