good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
