Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
