Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
