I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
