can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
