She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Less talking, more tequila
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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