It's like God shit irony all over that family
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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