I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
