You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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