So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
