I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
