hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
