dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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