fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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