dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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