i permit you to call me
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
A bitchslap is in order.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
