doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
