Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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