Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
