chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We're too hungover to prance.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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