it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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