is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
