She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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